They’ve made a Mike Tyson movie, apparently.

The central event in Tyson’s life, of course, is his encounter with the philosopher Sir Alfred Jules Ayer, who was at the time 77 years old:

“At yet another party [Ayer] had befriended [Fernando Sanchez, a fashionable designer]. Ayer was now standing near the entrance to the great white living-room of Sanchez’s West 57th Street apartment, chatting to a group of young models and designers, when a woman rushed in saying that a friend was being assaulted in a bedroom. Ayer went to investigate and found Mike Tyson forcing himself on a young south London model called Naomi Campbell, then just beginning her career. Ayer warned Tyson to desist. Tyson: “Do you know who the fuck I am? I’m the heavyweight champion of the world.” Ayer stood his ground. “And I am the former Wykeham Professor of Logic. We are both pre-eminent in our field; I suggest that we talk about this like rational men.” Ayer and Tyson began to talk. Naomi Campbell slipped out.”

The ideal Tyson biopic would introduce this story about thirty minutes into its run time, and after it the camera would, as if embarrassed, slowly withdraw from Tyson; and for the rest of the film it would follow Ayer instead, from a respectful distance.

Help! Internet!

All my bananas have gone brown and mushy, and it’s raining outside.  I have some pears but I want bananas instead.  How do I transmute stale bananas and/or pears into fresh bananas? 

Secondly, iTunes keeps crashing when I try to add new music.

I have an alembic of aqua regia, a small pouch of antimony, some cinnabar, a live toad and a Hand of Glory, if any of that helps. No mandrake root, no bat wing.

Any suggestions appreciated.