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Sad News

On March 29, 2008, Felix Gilman was attacked by an unidentified assailant, shortly after opening an unexpected package.

A bystander with a cameraphone caught this image of the attacker emerging from its postal hiding place.  Only the rustle of foam packing peanuts gave warning of its stealthy assault.


Witnesses describe the attacker as “small,” “furry,” and “cricetidine.”  The attacker is said to be heavily — albeit “adorably” — armed.

Police are investigating a possible connection between this unprovoked assault and a recent perfectly reasonable conversation between Mr. Gilman and one “Jeff VanderMeer.”  (Possibly an alias).  This threatening letter — attached to the package — appears to be in VanderMeer’s handwriting.


The furry assassin approaches.


Gilman defends himself.


But without success.


Reinforcements appear.


The assassin flees.



Mr. Gilman’s condition remains critical.  Contributions to his medical bills may be sent c/o his agent.  Alternatively, well-wishers may prefer to donate in his name to the League For Retributory Cruelty To Hamsters.

10 Responses to “Sad News”

  1. Larry Says:

    I should have known that your Hamster-fu wasn’t as strong as you claimed. Alas, another author felled before his time by a rabid, ruthless rodent…

  2. Sir Tessa Says:

    I dunno. Hamster fu vs semi-automatic pop gun? Chances aren’t good.

  3. felix Says:

    come closer. . .

  4. felix Says:

    come closer. . .

    too weak . . . let me whisper to you. . .

  5. felix Says:

    the squeaking . . . the SQUEAKING . . .

  6. Sir Tessa Says:

    Oh hell no, I ain’t coming anywhere near you. No telling where that hamster’s been.

  7. Carrie Says:

    Dude, that is so OBVIOUSLY a guinea pig. No wonder you lost.

  8. The Da Says:

    I’m in awe at the imagination, time and energy that’s gone into this elaborate wankery.

    At last I understand Jonathan’s life-style

    Happily, I no longer feel my life’s been wasted for which I send you heartfelt gratitude.

  9. Cheryl’s Mewsings » Blog Archive » Save Writers, Say “Alright” Says:

    […] month a promising new fantasy writer, Felix Gilman, was almost killed by a shameful attack by a dangerous assassin later identified as “a hamster”. Since that time, writers […]

  10. Jenny Says:

    Heehee!!! Never saw something so funny that has to do with hamsterS!

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All written content copyright © Felix Gilman. The art is by Ross MacDonald.