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Sad News

On March 29, 2008, Felix Gilman was attacked by an unidentified assailant, shortly after opening an unexpected package.

A bystander with a cameraphone caught this image of the attacker emerging from its postal hiding place.  Only the rustle of foam packing peanuts gave warning of its stealthy assault.

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Witnesses describe the attacker as “small,” “furry,” and “cricetidine.”  The attacker is said to be heavily — albeit ”adorably” — armed.

Police are investigating a possible connection between this unprovoked assault and a recent perfectly reasonable conversation between Mr. Gilman and one “Jeff VanderMeer.”  (Possibly an alias).  This threatening letter – attached to the package – appears to be in VanderMeer’s handwriting.

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The furry assassin approaches.

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Gilman defends himself.

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But without success.

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Reinforcements appear.

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The assassin flees.

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Mr. Gilman’s condition remains critical.  Contributions to his medical bills may be sent c/o his agent.  Alternatively, well-wishers may prefer to donate in his name to the League For Retributory Cruelty To Hamsters.

10 Responses to “Sad News”

  1. Larry Says:

    I should have known that your Hamster-fu wasn’t as strong as you claimed. Alas, another author felled before his time by a rabid, ruthless rodent…

  2. Sir Tessa Says:

    I dunno. Hamster fu vs semi-automatic pop gun? Chances aren’t good.

  3. felix Says:

    come closer. . .

  4. felix Says:

    come closer. . .

    too weak . . . let me whisper to you. . .

  5. felix Says:

    the squeaking . . . the SQUEAKING . . .

  6. Sir Tessa Says:

    Oh hell no, I ain’t coming anywhere near you. No telling where that hamster’s been.

  7. Carrie Says:

    Dude, that is so OBVIOUSLY a guinea pig. No wonder you lost.

  8. The Da Says:

    I’m in awe at the imagination, time and energy that’s gone into this elaborate wankery.

    At last I understand Jonathan’s life-style

    Happily, I no longer feel my life’s been wasted for which I send you heartfelt gratitude.

  9. Cheryl’s Mewsings » Blog Archive » Save Writers, Say “Alright” Says:

    […] month a promising new fantasy writer, Felix Gilman, was almost killed by a shameful attack by a dangerous assassin later identified as “a hamster”. Since that time, writers […]

  10. Jenny Says:

    Heehee!!! Never saw something so funny that has to do with hamsterS!


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All written content copyright © Felix Gilman. The art is by Ross MacDonald.