Sad News
On March 29, 2008, Felix Gilman was attacked by an unidentified assailant, shortly after opening an unexpected package.
A bystander with a cameraphone caught this image of the attacker emerging from its postal hiding place. Only the rustle of foam packing peanuts gave warning of its stealthy assault.
Witnesses describe the attacker as “small,” “furry,” and “cricetidine.” The attacker is said to be heavily — albeit ”adorably” — armed.
Police are investigating a possible connection between this unprovoked assault and a recent perfectly reasonable conversation between Mr. Gilman and one “Jeff VanderMeer.” (Possibly an alias). This threatening letter – attached to the package – appears to be in VanderMeer’s handwriting.
The furry assassin approaches.
Gilman defends himself.
But without success.
Reinforcements appear.
The assassin flees.
Mr. Gilman’s condition remains critical. Contributions to his medical bills may be sent c/o his agent. Alternatively, well-wishers may prefer to donate in his name to the League For Retributory Cruelty To Hamsters.
March 30th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
I should have known that your Hamster-fu wasn’t as strong as you claimed. Alas, another author felled before his time by a rabid, ruthless rodent…
March 31st, 2008 at 7:19 am
I dunno. Hamster fu vs semi-automatic pop gun? Chances aren’t good.
March 31st, 2008 at 8:07 am
come closer. . .
March 31st, 2008 at 8:08 am
come closer. . .
too weak . . . let me whisper to you. . .
March 31st, 2008 at 8:08 am
the squeaking . . . the SQUEAKING . . .
March 31st, 2008 at 8:34 am
Oh hell no, I ain’t coming anywhere near you. No telling where that hamster’s been.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:19 am
Dude, that is so OBVIOUSLY a guinea pig. No wonder you lost.
April 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I’m in awe at the imagination, time and energy that’s gone into this elaborate wankery.
At last I understand Jonathan’s life-style
Happily, I no longer feel my life’s been wasted for which I send you heartfelt gratitude.
April 13th, 2008 at 12:15 am
[…] month a promising new fantasy writer, Felix Gilman, was almost killed by a shameful attack by a dangerous assassin later identified as “a hamster”. Since that time, writers […]
April 14th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Heehee!!! Never saw something so funny that has to do with hamsterS!